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RELATIONSHIPS.
The Greatest Massacre of our Century.
Chances are, most of the people around are in a love relationship, even though the opposite feels more accurate. They’re probably quiet and minding their own business, unlike their single peers whose unanimous and complaining echo sounds as follows:
SINGLE 1: “I’m so done with being single. I’d love to share experiences with my other half.”
NOBODY: “Therefore, I shall compromise and never impose my lifestyle.”
SINGLE 2: “I don’t understand what’s wrong with men and women these days. I’m not that bad looking nor stupid.”
NOBODY: “Asking myself what might be the common denominator between myself and my (failing) dates. Could it be… MYSELF?
Quelle surprise !”
SINGLE 3: “I’m asexual. Do you think it’s easy to find a partner willing to give up on her/his sex life?”
NOBODY: “Could it be, perhaps, because of our hypersexualising/sed society?”
Everyone wants to be touched. Also, love could be a drug. Is love a drug? The sacred Other appears as the only real mirror available. So many statements, and so little self-work. LOVE RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT ABOUT OURSELVES, even though our selves are very much involved in the process. Instead, think of them as skinning your other half and wearing his/her flesh for a better understanding of their perspective. Or, to be even more graphic, something like exchanging your eyes balls for theirs. It’s a dance. The one of your choice, but one it is. From one side to the other, it will never freeze.
It isn’t about asking for more; it’s about joining forces.
ONE CAN BE UP, THE OTHER DOWN *No, I’m not talking here about 69, even though it works as a metaphor. Far from being the matter, it’s the dynamic that makes it flourish or perish. However, to get to that point, one needs — so it seems:
To silence the Ego.
By filtering self-centred thoughts,
Dismantling past trauma and blurry memories.
[THE FALL]
After deconstructing, there comes the time to reassemble and never repeat similar misleading decision-making — HISTORY “COULD BE” IN THE MAKING. Will, patience and empathy shape the perfectly imperfect recipe; unfortunately, unless we are all secretly Michelin chefs, disaster stands just around the corner. Nothing to fear with terror, but rather a new habit to tame and appropriate. To start suffering the same. Understanding each other’s pain, and learning who to blame.
NO, IT ISN’T A GAME.
Nor aiming for fame. Highly recommended to use one’s brain:
Remove the pain. Quit chasing after individuals who don’t show interest in you. REMOVE THE PAIN. QUIT CHASING AFTER INDIVIDUALS WHO DON’T SHOW INTEREST IN YOU.
Be ashamed to request/expect to be financially cared for on first dates. BE ASHAMED TO REQUEST/EXPECT TO BE FINANCIALLY CARED FOR ON FIRST DATES.
Cease believing in one’s perfection. Disclaimed yesterday, reclaimed today. CEASE BELIEVING IN ONE’S PERFECTION. DISCLAIMED YESTERDAY, RECLAIMED TODAY.
To sum it up:
Current situation: our generation (90s babies) might be retarded when it comes to finding spouses.
A suggestion to the single sphere: update the discourse and mute the complain. Review behaviours wherever and whenever relevant.
The Other, our sacred mirror. To chose, or not to chose? Polygamy, polyandry, open relationships. . . Does one actually fit in? Or could it be an attempt to flee from security and stability?
What it takes: love requires the deconstruction of the ego, making the conscious decision of saying “yes” to that relationship each morning.
IT’S TIME TO KILL THE SYSTEM, to end the self-praising trance and recognise one’s flaws. Guilt-free. It’s time to practice self-work but not to pretend one’s reached nirvana by masturbating to one’s own social media. The disgust is real, probably the reason why finding love feels so surreal in 2023.